Healthy

It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.

Jiddu Krishnamurty

When we zoom out of whatever situation we find ourselves feeling constricted about, be it the upcoming election in the US, the school situation during a pandemic, the proper measures to take to avoid contracting Covid, we can gain something essential. What is this essential piece that gets illuminated from the higher vantage point of zooming out? Seeing with new eyes what we were assuming to be real (that may not be) and asking the questions that are hidden in the common discourse.

Politics, economics, education, health care…these systems are crumbling. We are being invited to ask new questions, to reframe the so-called debate, to consider possibilities that we have dared not let in previously.

In a recent survey I conducted of 31 parents from different parts of the world (albeit mostly white and upper middle class respondents, thus providing a limited set of insights that cannot be assumed to transfer beyond this subset of society), one of the silver linings that emerged for many was the blessing of living a simpler lifestyle with fewer scheduled plans, less running around, more time with family. At the same time, one of the main concerns was lack of socialization for children.

Let’s look at this.

What are the unexamined assumptions in all this?

1. Children need to spend regular time with their peers. Who decided this? How do we know this is true? Prior to industrialization, young people were engaged in intergenerational relationships. Modern schooling was the start of putting humans of the same age into groups for 30+ hours a week. Is this working? Is this a developmental requirement? Is this contributing to problems and pathologies? What else is possible that this model ignores? Gordon Neufeld presents a perspective worth considering about the damaging impacts of peer orientation in his book “Hold Onto Your Kids” that challenges this assumption in a comprehensive way.

2. After school programming, extra curricular activities (lessons, play dates, classes, etc) is necessary. Who decided this? How do we know this is true? What is this based on? I propose that this comes from the idea that there are “windows” for optimal development and this “given” has led to the highly pressured lives of our young people because, if they don’t learn guitar, another language, sports NOW, then they never will. Is this true? Recent neuroscience is continually revealing to us more and more about the plasticity of the brain. Could this not relieve us of the unexamined assumption that childhood requires exposure to every opportunity and practice of every skill before it’s too late?

3. Family connection and engagement was an unexpected gift unique to this time. The assumption here is that this is not something we have a choice about continuing. Some people may not have this choice, but perhaps you actually do. Are you willing to reduce your income levels, start a home-based business or live with one salary in order to prioritize the life you want with your children? Is there an impulse in you to educate your children, take control of their learning lives, engage them in alternative views, explore self directed learning, and redesign how you live? Maybe it’s closer than you think. Perhaps there is an alternative educational option near you (democratic schools, self directed learning centers, agile learning centers, Sudbury school, Montessori or Waldorf-inspired, home schooling cooperatives?).

What brings you alive around these questions? There are no “shoulds”, there is an opportunity, an invitation for you to listen deeply to your inner guidance. The shake up of these times is a gift in that way. Even if you choose to return to “the way it was” for your family, you may do so from a place of greater self friendship, inner clarity, and presence.

Ask the questions that are not being asked. See where that takes you. We are all in this together and as each of us sees things anew, we all reap the benefits of that enhanced field of generativity. Every act is a statement of belief that contributes to creating the world we want to live in and the world we wish to leave for our children.

Big love,

Kris