The cost of sovereignty
Many people don’t want to heal from trauma.
The truth is that the perpetual victimization is always, on a shadowy level, immensely pleasurable.
Healing requires willingness, and an acknowledgement both of the rewards of remaining unhealed, as well as the very real costs of healing.
Yolanda Norris-Clark
Sovereignty is about taking full and unwavering responsibility for your life, your self, your circumstances. This is no small thing. Perhaps this is why we see an epidemic of adults who are not adults, but instead are arrested in an earlier state of development or stuck in the stance of victimhood. It takes formidable courage and fortitude to clip the ties of all external authority, as well as keen awareness to see each and every time you are making someone else or something else your parent.
Growing up in this way requires a death of who you have been. There is always a payoff to remaining unhealed, as Yolanda says, or un-integrated is what I would prefer. Even “healing” implies that you in need of fixing, that something is wrong and it is this existential fear that keeps us looking for answers outside of ourselves. It is this existential fear that we are not enough, that we are somehow less than or wrong, that gives power to forces outside of ourselves who do not have our best interest at heart. Standing up to that right now is both harder and easier than ever before. But there is a death, much like giving up an addictive substance. You say goodbye to a certain high, a certain rush, and most definitely a lot of noise.
Are you willing to let go of that? Are you willing to sink into the stillness and see what’s left after the grief? If you are, I can promise you the gift is greater than any reward you received from being that previous version of yourself: the victim, the broken one, the one in need of fixing. The truth is quiet. And more right than being right.
You are a creator. You’ve got this. No one else can tell you what you already know in your heart. It’s time.
Big love,
Kris
